The Impossible Dream

What is the impossible dream? And why is it impossible? As a kid, I always thought I would grow up, get married, have 2 kids and a house with a picket fence. Funny how something so simple it is actually the impossible dream.

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But that dream isn't that impossible. Or is it? Ok, I am gay. That does make the dream a bit more difficult, but definitely not impossible. Right now, gay and lesbian couples can marry in 2 states. Adoption can also be done. Now the dream doesn't seem as impossible. Well except for the one small fact, the fact that I have the proven record of screwing up the impossible.

I attained my impossible dream at one point, at least a very skewed version of it. So what happened when I attained that impossible dream? I blew it. I had a great relationship (no marriage) with a guy I really loved. We lived in a very nice house with a fenced in backyard (no picket fence, but hey, a fence is a fence). We had 2 kids, a parrot and a dog. And after we had moved in together, I soon realized that I had reached my ultimate goal in life. I had gotten to that place I always dreamed of as a kid. So what did I do??? I screwed it up.

So now I sit in the small apartment that I live in. I still have the 2 kids, the dog and parrot. But I am miserable being single. I have met a few guys, but I have no desire for anything other than a friendship with them. I still see the ex and we hang around. The sad thing is that we get along better now than before. But there is that small part in the back of my little mind that always gets me. It always reminds me of reaching that impossible dream and how he was a huge part of it. At times I hope there is a chance that him and I will be able to make that dream come true again. At this point in my life, I know there is nobody else I would rather take the chance with but him. That chance of my dream becoming reality. But the back of my little mind is always reminding me that I had that and I blew it. So for now, my dream that was once a reality is nothing more than a dream again, an impossible dream.