Forrest was so wrong

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the Next Generation

Sorry, this has nothing to do with Star Trek....I just need to kick start this back into shape. I went ahead and deleted all of the posts except for the original. Most of them contained video clips that were no longer available. That makes for a bunch of boring posts. But I do need to explain the past 3 years to bring myself up to speed. Starting in 2004, things have been at a stand still for me, so I think it is time to move ahead.

In 2004, my previous partner, Mike, was just 10 days short of turning 37 when he passed away from a heart attack. This really threw my life into a deep funky depression. When Mike had passed, I had a few things that kept me from sinking into oblivion. I had a great set of friends, my family was there for me and I met a great guy. Within a few months, things had changed though. My friends weren't around nearly as much. And my family life was put on the back burner (my sister and I never got along very well....which continues to this day). But Douglass was the saving grace for my life. I've told him this before, but I honestly believe that if he hadn't been around, I most likely wouldn't be around today.

In June of 2005, I turned 37. I started to constantly have nightmares of having a heart attack. When I turned 38, I stopped having those nightmares and felt relieved. As if 37 was a magical age that caused heart disease. Things were great! A few days before Christmas 2006 (6 months after I turned 38), my best friend Jeff died from a heart attack. He was 37 and in good health. Once again, this threw me back into the funky depression. I don't believe I was totally over Mike's death, but with Jeff's passing, it just added to it.

About 3 months after Jeff's passing, I hit rock bottom. The only thing I had left for me was my job and Douglass. It has been a long road getting back to where I feel good about myself. But all of this downtime has caused problems between Douglass and me. I have not been 100% for Douglass. I have done some stupid things. I would give anything to change what has happened, but unfortunately that isn't possible. All I can ask for at this time is for forgiveness from Douglass.

My job is still there, nothing exciting, but kinda status quo for the time being. I still have a couple of friends that I talk to and lunch with from time to time. Douglass and I have been busy meeting some new friends. This has been very good for us. I know I need to break free from the past. And I have a feeling Douglass is wanting a change too. The good news is I am starting to feel good about myself. I have joined a gym and in the past few months I have lost almost 30 pounds. I don't see a big change, I am hoping that is partially because of some muscle gain. But I have gone down a couple of pants sizes. And I don't disagree with what the scale says. I am finally ready to purge my life of some of my past. My goal is to start selling some items on ebay within the next few months. I have a lot of Fiesta dishes that I need to get rid of. Some from when I was selling before and some from my own collection. I just don't have that same feeling anymore about Fiesta.

A few years ago, I had an episode of color blindness. Nobody can explain it, but for about 6 months, I was color blind. My yellows and greens suddenly were gray. I could no longer tell the difference between my favorite Fiesta color, Chartreuse, and another favorite of mine, Pearl Gray. They looked absolutely the same to me. My eye doctor couldn't explain it. But after 6 months, my color blindness disappeared. I can now see all the colors as beautifully as before. But during the color blindness spell, my love of Fiesta was tested. When Jeff passed and I hit rock bottom, so did the love of Fiesta. Plus the last couple of colors (Heather and Evergreen) just don't have that sparkle that the other bright colors have. I will still eat off Fiesta and still keep a small collection, but for the most part, I won't be spending a lot of money on it anymore.

With all that has happened in the past few years, I feel the need to turn over the new leaf and start new. So I am starting the next generation of myself. I hope Douglass comes along with me, but I understand if he doesn't want to. So to all my friends (Van, Aaron, Bill and Andy) thanks for everything. For all my new friends....welcome to the new me. And to anybody who happens to read this, hello!

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